Talking with aging parents about medical wishes, belongings, funerals, and where they would live is something many families put off. A Pew Research Center survey from September 2025 asked two different groups whether those conversations happened: parents 65 and older, and adults under 65 with a parent 65 or older. The answers differ by topic, and on one topic both groups say no at the same rate: where a parent would live if they could not live independently.
Educational only. This article is not legal, medical, or financial advice and cannot say what applies to your family. The survey figures are self-reported answers.
How Pew ran the survey
Pew surveyed 8,750 U.S. adults between September 2 and 8, 2025, mostly online, with a smaller share by phone. That includes 6,156 adults under 65 and 2,582 adults 65 and older. Pew prints a margin of error of 1.4 percentage points for the full sample, 1.6 for adults under 65, and 2.4 for adults 65 and older. It prints none for the two comparison groups used below: 2,174 parents 65 and older with adult children, and 3,538 adults under 65 with a parent 65 or older. Small differences between those groups should be read with care.
Wills and living wills by age and income
Before asking about conversations with aging parents, Pew asked about documents. Among all adults, 31% said they have a living will or advance health care directive, 32% said they have a will, and 20% said they have made arrangements for their own burial or funeral. Those averages hide a gap by age:
- In their 60s: 44% have a living will or directive and 46% have a will.
- In their 70s: 64% and 66%.
- 80 and older: about eight in ten for each.
Income matters too. Among adults 70 and older, 78% of upper-income adults say they have a living will or directive, compared with 59% of lower-income adults. For wills the gap is wider, 83% versus 51%. These are answers people gave in a survey, not a check of what any document says. And a document is not a conversation.
What Pew asked about conversations
Parents 65 and older with adult children were asked: “Have you ever discussed the following with any of your adult children?” Adults under 65 with a parent 65 or older were asked: “Have any of your parents age 65 or older discussed the following with you?” Each list had four topics about aging parents and their end-of-life wishes. Notice the wording: any of your adult children in one question, any of your parents in the other.
Aging parents and the four topics, group by group
| Topic | Parents 65+ said yes | Adults under 65 with a parent 65+ said yes | Gap |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wishes for medical care if unable to decide | 66% (34% no) | 50% (50% no) | 16 points |
| Belongings after death | 61% (38% no) | 51% (49% no) | 10 points |
| Burial or funeral preference | 68% (32% no) | 59% (41% no) | 9 points |
| Living arrangement if unable to live independently | 44% (56% no) | 43% (56% no) | 1 point |
Burial or funeral comes first in both groups, and living arrangement comes last. Among parents, the order is burial 68%, medical wishes 66%, belongings 61%, and living arrangement 44%. Among adults with a parent, it is burial 59%, belongings 51%, medical wishes 50%, and living arrangement 43%. Pew also notes that parents 75 and older are more likely than parents 65 to 74 to say these topics were discussed, and that adults whose parent is 75 or older are more likely to say so than adults with younger parents.
How to read the difference
With aging parents, the 16-point gap on medical wishes invites a quick explanation, but the figures cannot give one. The two questions are worded differently: a parent can discuss a topic with one child and not another, which may leave room for different answers, though that is a possible reason, not a finding. The groups also are not matched families. Parents answered about their children, and adults answered about their parents. The safe reading is only that the two groups report different levels.
Two counts of family caregivers
Two large counts of caregivers in the United States give very different totals, because they measure different things.
- AARP and the National Alliance for Caregiving estimate 63 million family caregivers, up 45% in a decade, about one in four U.S. adults. Of those, 59 million care for adults and 4 million care for children under 18 with an illness or disability.
- The Bureau of Labor Statistics counted 38.2 million people giving unpaid care to someone 65 or older because of a condition related to aging, as a 2023 to 2024 average. Of those providers, 47% cared for a parent.
So 38.2 million and 59 million are not competing answers. One counts unpaid eldercare for people 65 and older; the other counts family caregivers of adults. Do not add or subtract them.
AARP also reports that 29% of caregivers are in the “sandwich generation,” caring for children and adults (47% of caregivers under 50), that 20% report fair or poor health attributable to caregiving, and that 23% report being in debt because of their caregiving responsibilities. BLS reports separately that among eldercare providers with children at home, 55% cared for their own parent. These figures describe caregiving, not conversations, so they cannot show that a missing conversation causes strain or costs.
What the numbers say about aging parents, and what they do not
Parents say yes nine to sixteen points more often than adults with a parent on three of the four topics, and one point on the fourth. On living arrangements, the groups report almost the same level, 44% and 43%, and 56% of each group say no. It is the topic fewest people say they have discussed with aging parents or adult children. The survey cannot say why the groups differ, what was said, or what any one family should do. For related reading, see our explainers on Medicaid estate recovery and how probate works, browse more in Family, Marriage & Aging, and read how we handle sources in our editorial policy.
Frequently asked questions
Which topic do aging parents and their adult children discuss least?
Living arrangement if a parent could not live independently. In the Pew survey, 44% of parents 65 and older and 43% of adults under 65 with a parent 65 or older said it was discussed.
Why do parents and adult children give different answers?
Pew’s figures cannot say. The groups are not matched families, and the questions are worded differently (any of your adult children versus any of your parents).
Is this legal or medical advice?
No. This is general education about survey results. Rules about wills, directives, and long-term care vary by state and by situation.
